Seven Ways to Role Model Thankfulness

Posted on 16 July 2008 by Jeremy

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People like to complain. If it’s not the rise in gas prices, then it’s the fall in stock values. Taxes are too high, and political accountability is too low. The economy is in the toilet, and customer service sucks! The house is always dirty, and the kids never appreciate how hard you work to put food on the table. Things aren’t like they were when we were young. It’s different now. Worse. Harder. Most of the good things are gone. The white picket fence and 2.5 kids was a myth or a lie, and anyone who acts genuinely happy is obviously delusional or hiding something.

How many people do you know who are like this? You know, the ones who never have enough money to pay the bills, yet every person in the family has a brand new camera phone (82% of Americans own cell phones). The ones who complain that their marriage sucks, yet neither person makes any serious effort to work on the relationship. And worst of all, the parents who do nothing but bitch about how rotten and ungrateful their kids are toward them, however an outside observer can clearly see that they are just trying to get mom or dad to look at them with a little more love and less hate (or regret) in their eyes.

What do you think kids are learning from these types of behaviors? That the world is a big, wonderful place full of possibilities, or a shitty, horrible planet filled with people trying to screw them over? Our kids learn how to act from us, and let me be blunt, they are fast learners.

Children are like little sponges running around us, soaking up all of the words, signals and emotions that we send out to others. Think it’s OK to call your girlfriend and complain about what a jerk your husband is for working late again? Watch and see how your son or daughter emulates that behavior while playing with toys or other kids. Think it’s OK to yell at your wife, shake your finger and stomp out of the room? Yeah, some temper tantrums are a normal part of growing up, but kids that speak with disrespect and hate toward their parents learn that behavior, oftentimes from you.

People like to complain, but as parents, it is important that we moderate this behavior and recognize its potentially harmful effects on our kids. Bob Moawad, founder of Increasing Human Effectiveness, said, “Smile! Attitude is contagious!” I couldn’t agree with him more. Our attitude as parents is contagious to our kids. If we are unhappy, then chances are our kids are going to be unhappy too. If we are dissatisfied with life, then our kids will be too. If we complain all of the time, then our kids are going to learn this behavior and be the next generation of complainers to carry on the tradition. Who really wants that for their kids? I doubt anyone would say that they do, yet I’d be willing to bet more than half go on bitching and moaning about all the bad things in life.

So, what is the alternative? If you’re not going to complain, then what are you going to do? If you’re not going to bitch about someone or something, then what will be left to say? If you’re not going to wallow in your own misery, then who will give you sympathy? If you’re not going to be negative, then what will you do to get attention from your spouse, friends or children?

Why not be thankful for the things you do have? There are things going well in your life, right? Most people I know own a home and/or car, have a job that pays them on time, and a spouse and/or kids that love them. Most people I know that live in the United States have a life that millions (maybe billions) of people around the world would envy. And, as parents, we also have one of life’s most precious gifts of all – our kids!

Here are Seven Ways You Can Role Model Thankfulness to your kids:

Stop complaining – start praising. Tell your family and friends more often the things they are doing right, and how much that means to you. Explain why you appreciate their actions and encourage them to repeat positive behaviors more often. Share your pride in loved one’s achievements – be specific about what they did that made you feel that way. Make praise a habit.

Public displays of affection. Hold hands with your spouse in public; give her a hug and kiss when you first walk in the door; tell him that you love him every day and mean it, even if other people are in the room.

Smile more often. Seriously, as Moawad said, “Attitude is contagious!” He also said, “Fake it ’till you make it,” which may be what you have to do to get started on this. A smile implies satisfaction and thankfulness for what’s happening in that moment.

Use your manners. Being polite and courteous shows people that you respect them as a human being. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ immediately lowers a person’s defenses and opens the door to have a pleasant interaction. Teaching your children to use their manners demonstrates an appreciation for other people’s feelings.

Write a thank you note with your kids. Every time your kids receive a gift, it is an opportunity for you to teach them thankfulness. Yes, they should say “Thank You” and give hugs and kisses; however, they (you) should also go that extra step and write a note to the giver.

Engage in proactive, positive self-talk. Find the things that you really like about yourself. Write them down. Read them out loud. Smile while you’re saying it. Think about what benefits you gain in life from these things. Discover new ways to leverage these things in your relationships, including those with your spouse and kids.

Offer positive suggestions, or solutions, when talking to others. The quickest way to shut down a bitch-fest is to make a positive suggestion or offer a viable solution. Complainers don’t want solutions – they want attention. If your kids are complaining, help them find a solution on their own so that they can appreciate the results of their efforts.

These are just some of the ways you can role model thankfulness to your kids, as well as bring out a genuine feeling of appreciation for life within yourself.

Does this mean that you should never complain? No, but serial complaining is not acceptable behavior for parents. Our kids deserve more from us – they deserve to be happy. Thankfulness is a prerequisite to happiness, in my experience.

Do you role model thankfulness to your kids?

Please share how you do it in the comments.

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