Roughhousing with the Kids
Posted on 31 July 2008 by Jeremy
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I love to roughhouse with my kids. It’s a fun way to connect and let them know that I care about them. Chasing, tackling, tickling and safely tossing them around never fails to get a laugh.
My wife thinks that it gets the kids too riled up. I think she just wants to make sure nothing gets broken, including me or the kids.
I have to admit there have been a few times things got out of hand. There was one time I accidentally tossed my oldest into a garbage can. It didn’t hurt her, but it sure did make me feel like a horrible dad at the time!
Now that she is a teenager, it’s not as “cool” to wrestle around with dad. Every once in a while, though, I show her that I can lift her above my head or tickle her off of the cell phone. Roughhousing with her has evolved into a more subtle form of playful torture.
My son is 2-years-old, and he loves to wrestle. He likes for me to get down on all fours and chase him around the room. I tackle him to the ground and give him ‘zerberts’ on his belly. He also gets a kick out of tackling me and bouncing up-and-down on my back. Every time I get tired and try to quit, he says, “Again, again, daddy…tickle, go fast, again!” It’s hard to say no.
I’ve read several articles on the subject of roughhousing, and there are a variety of opinions. Conservative parents or experts warn that kids will imitate the aggressive behavior with other kids causing potential injury. Well…I guess it’s possible, but I’ve never seen my kids do it. When things go too far, including hitting or biting, I stop and address the behavior. If it happens again, then playtime is over.
The article that best captured my sentiments was called Roughhousing from Parent Super Site. The author Dr. Ken R. Canfield of the National Center for Fathering said:
“Through this kind of play, your kids learn some of the first lessons about loving authority. According to Jim and Charles Fay, roughhousing teaches your kids that you love them, that you’re strong enough to control them, and that you won’t control them unless it’s necessary. Your kids learn that you’re powerful and kind and gentle at the same time.”
I see myself as a “loving authority” in my kids’ lives. I care about them very much, and I would never hurt them. I don’t like to exert too much control, as I would rather teach them to explore the world without unwarranted fears or stress. It’s clear to them, though, that I am the parent and they are the kids - I expect them to respect me and my decisions.
I also see myself as a fun parent. I like to do things with my kids, including roughhousing. I don’t think it sets a bad example for how to behave; in fact, I think it is one of the most healthy things we do together.
My dad roughhoused with me, and I believe it helped us to build a strong bond at an early age that was different than the relationship I had with my mother. This bond continues to today, although I think I could probably take him now!
Roughhousing is a fun way to connect with your kids. Every dad has a different parenting style, but every kid wants the same thing from you – to feel loved and that you care. Don’t be afraid to get down on the floor, wrestle around and show your kids that you are a loving authority. You’ll probably end up laughing more than them!
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Tags | dr ken r canfield, loving authority, National Center for Fathering, playtime, roughhousing, wrestle
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July 31st, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I agree completely. I think roughhousing is a Dad’s right and privilege, entirely necessary in the life of their young kids. This is particularly true for boys. I have girls and a boy at home, but it’s only since my son came along that I’ve had to bring boxing gloves into play. He wrastles hard, but loves every minute of it.
Mothers are supposed to worry about getting hurt and all that. That’s their job.
Dads are supposed to play. That’s our job. One of them, anyway.
August 1st, 2008 at 10:48 am
I agree too. My son is only 17 months old, but we have roughhoused for many months now. It does let them know who is in charge, but also shows them that we have a fun side too. If someone could pick me up, throw me in the air, and catch me…all while smiling and laughing…I know I would respect them too.
August 24th, 2008 at 2:48 am
I’m a stay at home dad to three boys. Rough housing is their favorite thing! They can be watching TV, playing a video game, reading, or anything else and when I get on the floor everything stops and they all come attack me.
August 24th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
I love getting down on the floor and wrestling with my kids. It’s such a healthy way for us to connect, laugh and have fun. It also helps to burn some excess energy they might have before naptime or bedtime.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:47 am
I agree. I love roughhousing with the kids. As a matter of fact, they like to call it “Daddy Jungle-Gym”
September 7th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Great post! My daughter, now 3.5, is always saying, “Again! Again Daddy, again!” We have a great time.
I like the quote – about loving authority, strength, and gentleness. That is cool.
Some of my best memories are of my brother and I “wrestling” with Dad. He always said, you may get bigger, but you’ll never get tougher. Now, after open heart surgery and a stroke, his body has betrayed him – but mentally, he’s still tough. And he’ll always be my hero.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:50 am
I was an avid fan of rough housing as kid, now a father of two I find the same feelings I felt as a child. My daughter is the oldest at two and a half years, and she is a huge fan, but I how can I tell if she is getting too rough, and if she does is that a trait that will follow her in life?
October 17th, 2008 at 3:58 am
I don’t think there is a one size fits all answer to that Virgil – each kid may be different. Great question though!
December 18th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I too am a fan of rough housing as I think it is a great bonding tool between kids and parents. And, as the mom – I join right in on the fun.
One word of entertaining caution – my son at the age of 3 often thought it was great fun to swat the behinds of cute girls that worked at the mall. This was part of our play time, and he transferred it to his flirting. While it was very funny, we had to change what we were doing at home and make it clear to him that his actions were not OK.
July 16th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
About twice a month or so my significant other gets a kick out of pinning me, headlock, etc., messing with tendons so it hurts, doing things that hurt but (usually) don’t leave any marks – he’s almost twice as big as I am – I used to think it was funny but I don’t like it anymore and even I’ve let him know that, he still tries sometimes and then acts hurt when I tell him to stop. He has three grown kids and did lots of stuff like this with them while they were growing up.
Should I be trying to enjoy this or is he (as I fear) sadistic? He’s a great guy in all other ways.
Is it even remotely possible that I could learn to somehow pin a guy twice my size?