Parent Coaches: Helping Dads Navigate Strange Territories
Posted on 03 November 2008 by cory
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10 of the most Frequently Asked Questions By Susan P. Epstein, LCSW, Parent Coach
Parenting in the 21st century is challenging and confusing for most parents. Families look and are different than years ago. Dads are raising kids more and more and more and more are the primary caregivers. We have to parent differently now. What values do we want to pass on? What do we want to teach our kids? What kind of people do we want them to be? Dads need to provide an environment for their children that is nurturing and loving with clear expectations and consequences that teach but do not shame. A Parent Coach can help with these challenges.
1. Question: What are some key reasons that a dad would seek out a Parent Coach’s help?
Answer: You have a child with difficult behavior (lack of respect, anger, back-talk, interrupting, tantrums, etc), or who is acting out or not doing well in school. Also if you are going through: divorce, remarriage, blending a family, trauma or loss, teen alcohol or drug use, or if you want to improve family communication, balance or support.
2. Question: What should I look for in a Parent Coach?
Answer: An expert in the areas of child development and family dynamics. They should be non-judgemental, good at building rapport, creative (they tailor plans to your family’s needs), patient, and a good teacher and mentor.
3. Question: What if I have already read parenting books and taken my child to a therapist and I am still struggling?
Answer: That’s okay and it means that you are searching for answers. Parent coaching can help because the coach works with you to tailor a parenting plan for your family.
4. Question: I have a special needs child and/or my child has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, Conduct Disorder or Bipolar Disorder. Can a parent coach help us?
Answer: Absolutely, most children/teens will respond to a behavioral plan if the plan is designed for their developmental stage and age.
5. Question: Is waiting until your child is a teenager too late to change their behavioral patterns?
Answer: It is best to start as early as possible. But, even if they are 16 or 17 years old you can still turn that behavior around fairly quickly with the right plan.
6. Question: What is the biggest challenge that dads face in today’s world?
Answer: That has to be a combination of disrespect from their children and parent guilt. They go hand in hand. “If I discipline my child for being inappropriate he won’t like me but then I feel guilty because I know that I am not setting limits and this isn’t good for him.” A dad may feel guilty because he is stretched thin and overwhelmed. This is especially difficult with divorce where the kids are going back and forth between two homes. If dad doesn’t want to be “the bad guy” he might let behaviors go that need to be addressed.
7. Question: What are some of the biggest fears that dads have?
Answer: Dads believe that if they yell and scream at their kids that they will damage their children for life. They are also told that if they spank their kids that Child Protection Services will be knocking on the door. Some dads are afraid to utilize their power and feel as if their hands are tied and they don’t know what to do.
8. Question: How does parent coaching take place?
Answer: Weekly parent telephone sessions and email, group parent telephone sessions, in-home sessions, and coaching products like books, DVDs and audio CDs.
9. Question: What if I am interested in hiring a parent coach but not sure?
Answer: Most parent coaches will provide a free consultation to see if you can work together.
10. Question: How long would I work with my parent coach and what are the costs?
Answer: Every coach has their own recommendations based on the family situation. Minimum is usually 3 months up until 12 months. Sometimes after a period of time weekly calls aren’t as necessary and the appointments can be shorter and less frequent.
Cost varies depending on your coach’s experience and expertise. Expect to pay
$500 -$1200/month for individual coaching. On paper it seems like a lot of money but most parents will tell you it was well worth the cost since the alternative of doing nothing could cost 10 to 20 times that amount. (Residential schools, therapies and medications, attorneys).
Group coaching is less expensive because you are sharing time with other parents. But, this can also be beneficial, knowing you are not alone!
Respect begins at home. When children don’t respect parents, they rarely respect their teachers and if they don’t respect their teachers this transfers to other authority figures such as neighbors, coaches and law enforcement. As young adults they have difficulty holding a job because they lack the social skills and respect that is necessary to make it in society.
Susan P. Epstein, LCSW, Parent Coach, works with parents whose children and adolescents are unmanageable. Susan graduated from the University of California at Berkeley School of Social Welfare. She is a licensed clinical social worker in Connecticut and Rhode Island and also completed training with the Coaches Training Institute. Susan has written and published two parenting books, “The Take Back Your Parenting Powers System” and “Are You Tired of Nagging?” An expert in the areas of family dynamics, parenting and child development, Susan will uncover and unleash your parenting power. Get your free special report on how to get well behaved kids now at: www.ParentingPowers.com
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