Husbands and Dads

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For those of you who are visiting this site because you are getting ready to get married and are looking for a little advice, good on you!  The fact is, most men don’t look for advice before they get married, or if they do, they do it last minute.

The truth is, marriage preparation begins long before getting engaged.

Some things to consider before getting married.

Are you financially ready for marriage? How will you and your spouse pay for the wedding?  It’s not a smart financial decision to finance it with high interest credit cards or personal loans.  After the wedding, do you have money to get a place together?  Do you have savings put away?

Are you emotionally ready for marriage? You may be in love, but are you emotionally equipped for when things become difficult?  You don’t have to be a “sensitive guy,” but it certainly helps to have the ability to talk about your feelings.  While the stereotype that women talk more than men is not true, it is certainly true that men talk about feelings less, and generally don’t have the same working emotional vocabulary that women do.  If you don’t feel comfortable talking about feelings, there are a plethora of books and classes out there to help you feel a little more comfortable.

Invest in Preparations. Most people spend plenty of money on classes and training.  College, professional development, and other courses.  There are a plethora of marriage preparation courses out there, most of them taught by churches of different denominations.  Try The Marriage Course, the self help marriage course, or the Family Life/Respect Life course.

What things are most important to you and what do you think you should spend the most time on?  Some of the topics you will definitely want to discuss are:

Religion.  Surpassed by only money and sex as the topics that can cause massive fighting, religion needs to be discussed.  Are you really okay with not sharing the same religious beliefs?  Will you be okay with it when you have children?  When you are old?  What about on holidays?  Are you going to feel cheated if you have to compromise on important principles you teach your children?

Sex.  Studies done by the University of Wisconsin show that cohabitation makes couples far more likely to divorce.  One of the best things you can do for your marriage to help insure long lasting marriage is to remain chaste before marriage and loyal after.  Whether you agree with traditional religious views of chastity before marriage, you must come to an agreement with your spouse that you can at least talk about sex.  You need to be able to openly communicate about the subject from the very beginning.

Money.  People have a lot of issues surrounding what money represents.  Talk with your spouse about how important money is to her.  What is your career?  Is that going to provide for your family?  Will you both work?  Will there be a stay at home parent?

There are many other topics that you could discuss.  The idea is that you communicate openly and honestly about what’s important to you, and to her.  Also, you are building a foundation for future communication.  Not everything will come up before the wedding.  Some things won’t become issues until years later or until after you have children.  Learning to communicate up front will save a lot of heartache in your marriage.

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