Ladies, this one is for you.  When your dear, sweet husband is getting on your nerves because he is so tense, or he’s getting all up in your business and you need some time alone, you might try one of these brilliant moves.

Guys, this one is for you.  Do yourselves a favor, and email this article to your wives.  Heck, print it off and give it to her if you have to.

Sex.  Most wives have experienced the post sex snore.  Besides the fact that sex often occurs at night when it’s easy to fall asleep, sex is a lot of physical work, and during orgasm, men’s brains release a chemical known as prolactin, which is present in people’s brains in high amounts during sleep.  As a side note, four times as much prolactin is released during intercourse as there is during masturbation.  In other words, wives, we really do need your help on this one.

Video Games. Racing games, puzzles, RPG’s, first person shooters - don’t understand any of that terminology?  That’s okay.  Odds are, your husband does.  About 80% of video game players are men ages 18 - 35.  Obviously video games are not just the realm of little boys any more.  Guys use the gaming time as a way to forget responsibilities and pressures that are weighing them down.  If you don’t like to play games with him, sit him down in front of the TV or pack him into the car and send him to a friend’s house and tell him not to come back until he’s achieved at least level 25 on Xbox Live’s Halo 3.

Sports.  We all need exercise in order to release muscle tension, but some guys need more physical activity to relax.  A weekly basketball game, a flag football pickup game, racquetball, tennis…heck, ping pong might even do the trick.  Guys brains get engaged when they play sports and after a couple hours of physical exertion, there’s all those endorphins flowing and it’s a lot easier to sit down and listen to you talk.  Get him a gym membership and drop him off on your way to the spa.

Manual Labor. Does your husband have a mini wood-working shop in the garage?  Does he like to garden?  Does he like to build things with his hands?  If he’s getting cranky you might be able to kill two birds with one stone: tell him to go to Lowe’s, pick up some lumber, and build that impenetrable fortress for the chickens that you haven’t yet told him you’re going to raise.

Watching TV/Movies. An hour or two of watching his favorite crime drama or sporting event can put your man in a better mood.  Tell him to stop picking at the food on the stove and go relax in front of the TV.  He might even be grateful.

Fishing.  Don’t ask me why, but for some reason many guys associate fishing with relaxation.  While I may not understand it, there’s something to be said for being in a quiet place in the woods next to a lake.  Of course, if you catch something, that’s not really very relaxing.  Perhaps it has something to do with all of the beer that my stepdad drank while he was out “fishing.”

Food.  As the saying goes, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  Besides tryptophan-laced turkey, there are lots of other foods that can induce a relaxed state of being.  Do you know your husband’s favorite recipes?  Do you make them?  Secret trick: find out what foods your mother-in-law used to make for your husband as a little boy and make those on occasion - your husband will adore you.  Just remember to make it the way mom made it.

Pulling us away from work. Some of us really like to work.  Even when we say that we’re going to not work, we think about work.  It’s probably even part of one of the qualities you like in your husband.  Sometimes even the work we like stresses us out though.  Pull your man away from the computer, make him stand up from the desk, take away his Crackberry, and push him into one of the other activities above.

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We live in a society in which people always seem to want more. What we have is never enough. We are uber-consumers and obsessed with stuff. My house is filled with stuff that we don’t need, yet we find a way to continue buying things. Am I thankful for what we have? Absolutely - my wife and I have worked hard to get to this point in our careers and lives.

The stuff around me, though, is not what really matters. I am much more appreciative of other more substantial things in my life.

Here are some of the things I am thankful for:

My Wife - I am very proud to have a wife who is smart, intelligent, independent, beautiful, sexy, kind, caring and considerate. She is an incredible partner and a wonderful mother. I’m fortunate to have someone who understands me for who I am and values my strengths.

My Kids - My life as a father has been one of high highs and low lows. I don’t like to talk about it much, but my first daughter died of a heart disease shortly after being born. This was extremely hard on me emotionally and mentally. Anyone who has suffered a loss like this knows that life is precious and should be treasured. Now, I have a teenage daughter, toddler son and baby girl whom I appreciate more than life itself. My youngest daughter had a very rough start to life, being born premature and developing a very serious infection.  After a month in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, she came home and is doing very well now.  I am blessed beyond belief with three amazing kids!

My Family - I feel extremely fortunate to have parents who are also great leaders and role models. My inlaws are incredible people too, so I am thankful that my kids will be positively influenced by many outstanding relatives. You can’t choose your family, but if I could, I would pick one like mine.

My Strengths - I’m thankful for the natural abilities that God has given me, or nature has granted me through genetics, or the abilities I have learned or developed myself. I have always lived in, and created, an environment of building upon strengths, and I know that most people do not live like this. Life is hard for most, and I’ve had my fair share of troubles; however, I was always taught to leverage my strengths and overcome obstacles. I live an empowered life, and I know that most things happen because of me and not to me. I have the power! (I always enjoyed watching He-Man cartoons as a kid - “I have the power!”)

My Experiences - My life is full. It’s always been that way. I’m not a passive observer, even though I like to write about and chronicle experiences that I witness. I am an active participant in life, and I like to make things happen. I get involved. I volunteer. I am the first to try things, which caused many trips to the emergency room when I was a kid. I’m not afraid to fail, and I’ve done so many times. I like to learn from both mistakes and successes. My experiences have helped shape who I am as a man, husband, father, friend and leader, and I value them greatly.

I could probably write a few thousand words on the things that I’m thankful for in my life, but it seems slightly narcisstic. I’d much rather hear from you about the things that you’re thankful for in life.

What are you thankful for right now?  Please share.

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I’m a very strong believer in the power of praise to influence behavior in others.  Husbands and fathers have the ability to guide and influence family members and help them on their development path. As leaders, it is important to let people know the things that they do right and encourage them to repeat behaviors that produce good results.  Too often, people take the easy way out and focus only on weaknesses or areas of opportunity.

I really like the book How Full is Your Bucket by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton. The book uses the metaphor of filling a bucket to illustrate the importance and impact of filling other people’s souls with praise and positivity. Think you’re good at filling buckets? Take the Positive Impact Test to see if you’re right.

Many people have the false perception that praise given too often will decrease productivity, or deplete the ‘hunger’ inside of others to do more than what is expected. In reality, the opposite is true. When people don’t receive praise or positive reinforcement yet they do receive criticisms or negative feedback, then the direct result is a decrease in productivity and motivation.

Like anything, though, it can go too far. Over-the-top praise may seem disingenuous, and a lack of balanced feedback doesn’t help a person improve performance or grow in their role. It’s OK to be liberal with praise though - it almost always inspires short-term changes in behaviors. Sustainability of positive behaviors over the long haul, though, is linked to a combination of praise and accountability.

Effective use of praise helps to make sure that your direct reports, co-workers, spouse, kids and friends know that you appreciate them. By contrast, you may be surprised at what the Bucket Book sites as the real costs to an organization when workers feel under appreciated due to negativity and a lack of praise. A similar correlation could be made to the relationship costs within your family when you fail to ensure your wife and kids feel valued.

When a person feels valued, he or she will be much more motivated to do a good a job; be a good spouse; be a happy child; become a better friend; and, maximize their potential through enhanced confidence and self-esteem.  Positive reinforcement is one of the most powerful tools available to you as a husband and father - I hope it’s not one of those tools collecting dust in the garage next to the power saw you never use.

I believe in the power of praise. What about you?

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The Top 10 Most Underrated TV Dads

10. Dick Solomon - 3rd Rock From the Sun: The High Commander of the Solomon alien family works as a physics professor by day and expedition leader by night. Solomon is not the best father figure in the universe, in fact his selfish and arrogant antics often make him look downright foolish (how many dads do you know who save toenail clippings to avoid being cloned?), but in the end, he always stumbles upon a key life lesson for the family/crew to learn from and add to their experience on Earth. Quotable: “This is just perfect. I try to mold us into a family that will blend in, and what do I get? A surly teenager, a sister obsessed with a man, and a brother who drinks too much. Is there another family in the whole world like this? I don’t think so!”

9.  Hayden Fox - Coach: Hayden Fox is the typical, work-obsessed football coach of the Minnesota State University Screaming Eagles.  The only major distraction from his team was the relationship he had with his teenage daughter Kelly - his perfect “little girl” who he did not want to grow up.  When she up and married a theater mime, Fox was the perennial spoiler dad.  Eventually, he learns to let go and stop trying to protect Kelly from life and theater. He develops a love interest of his own, who could care less about his football or sports. Many divorced dads can relate to his experiences on the show, both with his daughter and dating.

8. Worf - Star Trek: The Next Generation: a galactic career man on the rise, Worf was also a widower and single dad to son Alexander. Worf was the kind of dad that taught his son the virtues of a warrior, and he often had to teach him to value of integrity and honor in dealing with others.  It wasn’t easy being a good guy from a bad race, and it was always interesting seeing him overcome the pressures of being an outsider in a leadership role.  Worf was a military dad with a big heart who always set a good example for his son to follow.

7. Philip Banks - The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: a Harvard educated attorney, Philip Banks was the atypical rags to riches dad who rose from farm boy to judge.  A towering figure, he blustered his way through fatherhood with not only his own kids, but also his nephew (Will Smith) from Philadelphia.  While he had a gruff and tough exterior, he was really a kind and generous man underneath and an excellent role model for young black men of the day. He was a board member for the NAACP, and hey, you gotta love a man who meets his wife on an episode of Soul Train.  The only thing bigger than his heart was the size of his stomach, which served as a the “butt” of many jokes on the show. Quotable: “A hard head makes for a soft behind.”

6. Gomez Addams - The Addams Family:Gomez was a dad with style.  Always dressed to the nines with his striped suit and necktie, and he was rarely seen without an expensive cigar in hand.  An expert swordsman, juggler and knife thrower, he taught his kids to react quickly and decisively to situations presented to them in life, albeit he lacked a concern for the dramatic.  Instead, he was an eternal optimist with a vibrant inner child.  He connected well with his kids on their level, and it was always fun to watch him interact with them and make all kinds of animal noises to get a laugh.  He was a lovable, goofy father and husband, and to top it all off, he was also a billionaire.  Quotable: “He wore that finger trap for two years. Mother had to teach him to eat with his feet.”

5. Dan Conner - Roseanne: Oh, big Dan Conner was a jolly old soul, a jolly old soul was he; he had a bossy wife Roseanne who whined and complained and four little kids on his knee.  Dan was a working class dad who has a hard time keeping a job, not for lack of trying though.  He is a good worker and role model for his kids, in a loud and twisted sort of way.  He is the dad who becomes the father figure to his daughters’ friends and boyfriends, and he is often seen helping his son DJ overcome the challenges of being a slightly odd kid who enjoyed beheading barbie dolls.  If there weren’t enough reasons to like him, his youngest child on the show was named Jerry Garcia Conner.  Dan was a great example of the every man’s dad in a working class town struggling to survive financially yet keeping a positive outlook on life no matter what.

4. Red Forman - That 70’s Show: As a former Chief Petty Officer in the Navy, Red is the kind of dad that never lacks for accountability.  Having said that, he is oblivious to the antics of his cheeba lovin’ son Eric and stoner friends Hyde and Kelso.  Still, Red manages to teach some of life’s most important lessons to the kids who always hang around his house, and he does it through a combination of shame, guilt and sarcasm.  Much of the humor of the show is centered around Red’s struggle with showing his true emotions and love for his wife and kids.  His traditional views of what it means to be a rough-and-tough man often conflicted with his real feelings of concern and pride for his children.  Red was much tougher on his son Eric because that is the way his father taught him to become a real man.  In Red’s house, similar to the military, there were rules and expectations for everything, and if they weren’t followed, you were bound to receive the acrimonious “dumbass” award.  Quotable: “Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.”

3. Uncle Jesse Duke - Dukes of Hazard: Uncle Jesse wasn’t the biological father to Bo, Luke and Daisy Duke, but he was the man who cared for and guided them.  He took the kids in after their parents died in a car accident, and then he raised them on the family farm like they were his own youngins.  Jesse made a name for himself as a moonshine ridge runner back in the day, and unfortunately, Bo and Luke followed in his footsteps and got arrested.  Jesse went to bat for them and agreed to cease all shine operations in order to get them released.  Having learned many lessons in life the hard way, Jesse dispensed simple, sage-like wisdom to Bo, Luke and Daisy.  Quotable: “Guy come out of an antique shop carrying a big grandfather’s clock. Bumped into this drunk, broke the clock. Guy said, “Why don’t you watch where you’re going.” The drunk says, “Why don’t you carry a wristwatch like everybody else.’”

2. Herman Munster - The Munsters: Herman was a dad who really understood what it meant to be different.  Not only was he a creation of Dr. Victor Frankenstein, but also an adopted child to an exclusive British family.  Once he became a dad himself after fighting in WWII for the American Army, he settled into a fairly normal routine of being the sole bread winner and typical father of the day.  The difference was that he was over 7 feet tall and 380 pounds.  People often underestimated Herman, but he was smarter than he looked, especially when it came to sniffing out little tricks his son Eddie tried to pull.  By all accounts, Herman was your classic and typical working dad, only he was also a monster. Quotable: “You know, Eddie, I was so far ahead of the pack, the crowd had to run after me with torches to show me the finish line.”

1. Tim Taylor - Home Improvement: Tim “The Toolman” Taylor was an incredible tool-totin’, grunt-laughin’, fix anything kind of dad.  He was father to three boys and lived outside of Rock City (Detroit).  Tim had some unexpected help from a faceless neighbor Wilson when it came to understanding some of life and parenting’s toughest problems.  The problem is that he often misses a key point from Wilson and wrecks the advice/plan.  Tim’s own father died when he was just a boy, so that helps explain why he is so involved in his own boys’ lives.  He takes time to teach them new things in a “show-and-tell” manner, and if that doesn’t work, he will resort to more extreme measures (like blowing something up).  Quotable: “More Power!”

Agree? Disagree? Feel free to share your list or suggestions for the most underrated TV dad and why.

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Take Care of The Kids. Every mother is going to worry about her kids while she is away from them.  Make sure that the kids are set up with a really great baby sitter.  For your information, a really great babysitter is someone who: 1) your wife knows and trusts, 2) the kids know and trust, 3) will make sure that your kids stick to the regular schedule while you are gone, with a little extra fun thrown in to take the edge off of you being out of town. If you’ll be gone for more than a couple of days, arrange for breaks for the sitter like a day with family or friends.

A few extra tips to make vacations easier on the kids: invite the sitter to stay at your house so the kids will be more comfortable, record a video of Mom and Dad for the kids to watch while you’re away, make a calendar for them to mark off the time you’re gone.

Also, a few tips to make the time away from the kids easier on you (the husband):  set a once a day rule for checking in with the kids, set a goal to let go of the guilt over being away, choose a vacation spot that isn’t full of kids, pack a photo, and bring back some cool gifts.

Make Sure the Vacation is Planned. If you’re like me, and the thought of planning a trip itinerary makes you start to panic a little bit, here’s an idea: plan a great beginning, a fun activity in the middle, and a relaxing ending to the vacation.  There’s a fine balance between planning too much and not planning enough.  If you hit that fine balance, then your wife will feel like you put some serious effort into planning the vacation and she will feel loved and special for the work that went into it.

You might start with arriving at the hotel early in the day, checking in, resting from the trip, and starting the evening off with a romantic walk in order to get familiar with the area, capped by a really great dinner.  The next day or a couple of days later have a really great activity planned like visiting an aquarium, scuba diving, seeing an active volcano, or something else really interesting and memorable.  Making this the middle of the vacation activity gives you opportunity to explore and get to know the area, and forestalls boredom from setting in when you don’t know what to do.  Finally, spending the last day of the vacation just walking or resting allows you to get rejuvenated so that you don’t come home needing a vacation from your vacation.

Do something different. Along the lines of making sure your trip is planned, make sure you try something different.  Try new foods.  Pick up snippets of a new language.  Participate in some activity that you would never have the opportunity to do at home.  It doesn’t have to be expensive either.  Doing something different builds a sense of anticipation, keeps you interested while you’re there, and gives you something to talk about when you go home.  Oh, by the way, thirty percent of women will choose an exotic destination versus just nineteen percent for men.

Sex.  While we men tend to equate romance with sex, women often do not.  While your wife may love to love you, chances are she’s just looking for some relaxation at the beginning of a vacation, then to make love later.  This is especially true if you have kids together.  While it is true that about 20 percent of vacationing couples rarely leave the bedroom, about 49 percent say they have sex a few times, and 14 percent say they are too exhausted to have sex at all.

In the end, your wife is the best source of information on planning a great trip.  If you know what she likes, then you should be okay.  If you’re not sure, then planning a vacation can be a great opportunity to find out a little bit more about her and what she enjoys doing in her leisure time.

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Each Sunday my wife and I sit down and hold a weekly review that we call Companionship Inventory. We’ve been doing this since the beginning of our marriage, just over five years. It’s important to do this with your partner weekly, independent of children. You can call it anything that you want, but it basically consists of the following four parts:

1. Weekly Planning

We whip out our calendars and (quickly) go over what we have planned for the week, one at a time. We skip repetitive things like work or classes and instead focus on what we’re doing during the evenings and weekends that will interfere with our time together or that we might need the other’s help or presence for. Specific items might include: dinner parties, things we need the car for, going out with friends so I can’t see you then, study groups, or a myriad of other things.

2. Business

Next we mostly talk about finances - what major expenditures we might have this week or in the near future, planning dates, housekeeping issues, future plans like long term goals.

3. Testimony Time

Companionship Inventory is a left over from when I was a full time missionary in Vancouver, Canada. As such, testimony time is a time to share with each other our feelings about what really matters - our spirituality. Some people may not feel comfortable with this, but for the two of us, it’s an intrinsic part of our lives and our marriage. Your testimony time could just include your thoughts on what’s really important to you or what you’ve been thinking about during that week. It’s often the most fulfilling part of our Companionship Inventory.

4. Compliment Time

My wife’s favorite part of our weekly review, we take turns telling each other one thing we admire about the other. We give at least 3 - 5 compliments every time, no matter how angry we might be at each other or how tired we are. It’s amazing how much complimenting the one you love does for your relationship. Whenever we have anyone staying with us we always include them in compliment time and they always enjoy it.

That’s pretty much it - it usually lasts less around 45 minutes. It may not be so for every couple, but Companionship Inventory is the single most important thing that we do that has helped our relationship.

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1. A Higher Power. Whether you are Christian, Jew, Muslim or something else you owe your respect and diligence to something outside of yourself. Even if you are an Atheist, you will find your life more fulfilling if you have something outside of you and bigger than you to believe in. Your duty to a Higher Power should be first in your life, before everything else. If it is, then you will have the proper perspective on life and your spirit will be fed, enlarged, and enlightened.

2. Self. You are not able to help others with all your capacity if you are not functioning at your highest level. You need to make sure you are healthy, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Jesus Christ told the hypocritical Pharisees that they were “whited sepulchres full of dead men’s bones and rotting flesh,” and that before they could tell others how to act they must first “cleanse the inner vessel.”

3. Spouse. The most important person in your life is your spouse. Not your boss, mother, father, or any other. If you treat your spouse as being important, and your marriage as sacrosanct, many problems will fall away without even being noticed.

4. Church/Volunteering. Rendering service is important and good. It builds character and perspective. Notice that I put duty to a higher power above duty to your church. They’re often separate.

5. Career. Far too many men obsess about their careers. They see it as what defines them. Many men do it without realizing they are obsessing. If your career is getting in the way of your spirit, your health, or your relationship, then something is wrong. I truly believe that placing your higher power, your self, and your spouse above your career is a true key to happiness.

6. Social. Friends, football games, and backyard barbecues are wonderful, enriching, and fun. They can also be very time consuming. A husband should not let any of these things interfere with his relationship with his higher power or with his spouse. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of friends and really enjoy spending time with them, but I know where my first priorities belong.

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