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	<title>Husbands and Dads &#187; Parenting</title>
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	<pubDate>Sun, 16 Nov 2008 02:18:48 +0000</pubDate>
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		<title>Only Fathers Can Prevent Teenage Pregnancy</title>
		<link>http://husbandsanddads.com/only-fathers-can-prevent-teenage-pregnancy/</link>
		<comments>http://husbandsanddads.com/only-fathers-can-prevent-teenage-pregnancy/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 15 Oct 2008 03:26:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>cory</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Fatherhood]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Kids]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[teen pregnancy]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[teenagers]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://husbandsanddads.com/?p=396</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Despite alarmist sentiment that they are running out of control, teenage sex and pregnancies are on the decline and have been for the last 15 years of available data.  Teenagers are definitely having sex, but not as much as the media seems to sensationalize it, and definitely not as much as hormone laden shows [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Despite alarmist sentiment that they are running out of control, teenage sex and pregnancies are on the decline and have been for the last 15 years of available data.  Teenagers are definitely having sex, but not as much as the media seems to sensationalize it, and definitely not as much as hormone laden shows like the OC, Beverly Hills 90210, and Greek seem to point to.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/national-data/teen-pregnancy-birth-rates.aspx" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/www.thenationalcampaign.org/national-data/teen-pregnancy-birth-rates.aspx?referer=');">Teenage sexual activity</a> is down from 53% in 1991 to just under 47% in 2005, and teenage pregnancy has decreased from 117 in 1000 to 72 in 1000 in the same time frame.  National efforts to raise awareness about the problem of teenage pregnancy seems to be effective.</p>
<p>With all that said, fathers are still the best line of defense for stopping their daughters from having sex, getting into abusive relationships, and from getting pregnant once they are sexually active.  The following chart from a 2007 survey by the National Project for the Prevention of Teenage and Unplanned pregnancy shows that while many parents think that media and their kids&#8217; friends sway their teenagers&#8217; attitudes about sex, the teenagers themselves say that <strong>their parents are much more likely to be a stronger guide</strong> in their choices and attitudes regarding sex.</p>
<p>The question that was asked was, &#8220;When it comes to your/teens’ decisions about sex, who is most influential?  Is it…?&#8221;  You can click on the image to enlarge it.</p>
<p><a href="http://husbandsanddads.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/sex-survey1.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-395" title="sex-survey1" src="http://husbandsanddads.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/sex-survey1.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="300" /></a></p>
<p>Fathers can help their daughters avoid teenage pregnancy in the following ways:</p>
<p><strong>Have the talk.</strong> You know, <em>that </em>one.  Have it early, have it often.  I know many of you fathers go into a murderous rage or melt into a incoherent puddle when you think about <em>some boy</em> touching your daughter, but the fact is that your daughter needs to understand that she can talk about this with you, and that she can ask questions if she wants.  Don&#8217;t allow your daughter to find out how sex works by overhearing other girls&#8217; conversations in aerobics class.  By the way, the survey cited above</p>
<p><strong>Encourage teenagers to seek out positive entertainment and entertainers.</strong> The super popular Jonas Brothers have all taken vows of chastity until marriage, as has American Idol and current radio darling Jordin Sparks.  Virginity is becoming as retro and cool as bell bottom jeans, tube socks, and plaid sweaters.</p>
<p><strong>Be open and available to talk to your daughter. </strong> Teenagers don&#8217;t talk when you want to listen, and they don&#8217;t listen when you want to talk.  They do it on their own time.  Anyone with a teenager can tell you that.  You have to be open to the signals.  If your child wants to talk, you might only have a small window to instill a little bit of parental wisdom.</p>
<p><strong>Treat your wife with respect and dignity. </strong> In case after case, girls marry men who remind them of their fathers, and children pattern their marriages after the ones that they saw growing up.  If your daughter sees you treating your wife with respect, she will expect the same thing in her own relationships.</p>
<p><strong>Take your daughter on a Daddy Daughter Date. </strong> One daughter shared a story about how when she was 14 years old, her father invited her on a date for the following Friday.  He showed up at the front door at the time of their appointed date in a suit, with a flower for her.  He escorted her to her car, opened her door, and drove her to a nice dinner at a local restaurant.  The entire night, he treated her as he wanted a young man to treat her on a date.  He pulled out her chair, stood when she got up from the table, and gave her his full attention (no Blackberry, no texting).  Towards the end of the evening, he gave his daughter a special gift.  He gave her a ring that he told her represented her chastity.  He told her that he trusted her and that he only asked that when she lost her virginity she return the ring to him.  The daughter held onto the ring until after her wedding and then gave it to her father, letting him know that she had stayed chaste until her wedding night.</p>
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		<title>What&#8217;s the Deal With Adoption?</title>
		<link>http://husbandsanddads.com/whats-the-deal-with-adoption/</link>
		<comments>http://husbandsanddads.com/whats-the-deal-with-adoption/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 09 Oct 2008 02:09:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>cory</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Fatherhood]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Kids]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[adoption]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://husbandsanddads.com/?p=335</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[There are roughly 120,000 adoptions in the United States each year and 2 - 4 percent of all families have 1 or more adopted children.
With so many adoptions happening each year, why are so many men afraid of adoption?  Well, according to a new study released by the Federal Government, they aren&#8217;t.
Wait, what?
The traditional stereotype [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There are roughly 120,000 adoptions in the United States each year and 2 - 4 percent of all families have 1 or more adopted children.</p>
<p>With so many adoptions happening each year, why are so many men afraid of adoption?  Well, according to a new study released by the Federal Government, they aren&#8217;t.</p>
<p>Wait, what?</p>
<p>The traditional stereotype has been that men want to continue their lineage with biological children of their own and are reluctant to adopt.  The new study shows, however, that men adopt almost twice as much as women do.</p>
<p>A large portion (more than half) of these adoptions are men adopting stepchildren from new marriages.  Another portion is single men, straight and gay, adopting.  Many married men are also becoming more comfortable with the idea of adoption.</p>
<p>Here are a few stories of men who have chosen to adopt.  Their stories are varied and interesting, at times heartwarming and difficult.</p>
<p><strong>Charles Rathman</strong>, a marketing analyst from Wisconsin, and his wife adopted an ethnic child.  Went through a Lutheran adoption agency and had an uncommonly quick experience.</p>
<p>After completing the necessary paperwork, background checks, and home study, Charles and his wife Carla felt like they were ready to adopt.  Having heard stories about adoptions taking months, sometimes years, Charles and his wife felt like they were prepared for the wait.  They didn&#8217;t understand why their adoption caseworker was so insistent that they finish up the last few loose ends so quickly, but they soon found out.</p>
<p>It turns out that the agency already had a child under care that they were looking to adopt as soon as possible, and the agency wanted Charles and his wife to take this child.  Within weeks of finishing their paperwork, they had a child placed in their home.</p>
<p>There are a ton of couples who have chosen to share their stories of adoption on the internet.  Many of these couples share their stories using free blogging software like Blogger.com or Wordpress.com.  To read a few, try clicking here for <a href="http://rathmannadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/rathmannadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/?referer=');">Charles &amp; Carla&#8217;s story</a>, or here for <a href="http://brudisandbrudette.blogspot.com/" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/brudisandbrudette.blogspot.com/?referer=');">Mary &amp; Mike&#8217;s story</a>.</p>
<p><strong>John Smith</strong> and his wife adopted a child from Korea.  John said that concerns about bonding were never a problem, but that he and his wife were hampered by their family feeling that adoption was wrong, that if they were going to have children, that God would make them get pregnant.  It took 2 years for them to arrange their adoption because of international laws.  John and his wife used a non-religious international non-profit organization that has been in operation for over 30 years.  They are planning on bringing home their child by january.</p>
<p><strong>Don</strong>, from Portland, Oregon, had a negative experience with adoption.  Of all of the stories that were sent to me, this one was the only negative.  He reported that while the child he and his wife adopted was fine initially, after several years the child began having behavioral problems that tests later showed were related to fetal alcohol syndrome.  He faults the adoption for his wife leaving and says that he no longer has contact with his adopted daughter.  Don reported that he and several other individuals were part of a support network that helped people deal with adoptions gone wrong.</p>
<p><strong>Chris Nolte</strong>, from Iowa, related his story about adopting their now 16 year old daughter. Chris and his wife also used a Lutheran adoption ministry to find a child to adopt.  In 1992, just three months after receiving approval to adopt, Chris and his wife received a phone call telling them that they had been selected for an adoption and that they needed to arrive at the hospital to pick up their new infant the next morning.  Chris also reported never having a problem bonding with his child, and says that fatherhood is &#8220;the greatest job in the world.&#8221;</p>
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		<title>Why Won&#8217;t Guys Grow Up?</title>
		<link>http://husbandsanddads.com/why-wont-guys-grow-up/</link>
		<comments>http://husbandsanddads.com/why-wont-guys-grow-up/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 08 Oct 2008 02:02:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>cory</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Experts]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Fatherhood]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Dads]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[man]]></category>

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		<category><![CDATA[masculinity]]></category>

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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://husbandsanddads.com/?p=376</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Michael Kimmel is a professor of gender studies, specializing in men&#8217;s issues.  His new book, Guyland, explores the emergence of a new developmental stage in men&#8217;s lives.
Cory: Tell me about your work and how you decided to write Guyland.
MK: I started writing Guyland because there was something going in this new developmental stage between adolescence.  [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://husbandsanddads.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/michael-kimmel.jpg"><img class="size-thumbnail wp-image-377" style="margin: 5px; float: left;" title="michael-kimmel" src="http://husbandsanddads.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/michael-kimmel-150x150.jpg" alt="&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;" width="150" height="150" /></a></p>
<p><em>Michael Kimmel is a professor of gender studies, specializing in men&#8217;s issues.  His new book, <a href="http://www.guyland.net/" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/www.guyland.net/?referer=');">Guyland</a>, explores the emergence of a new developmental stage in men&#8217;s lives.</em></p>
<p><strong>Cory: Tell me about your work and how you decided to write Guyland.</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: I started writing Guyland because there was something going in this new developmental stage between adolescence.  People are getting married 6 or 7 years later than they were 50 years ago.  So, what are people doing in that time?</p>
<p>I began to talk to my students.  They seemed to be drifting.  They seemed to be delaying the ability to have a plan for their lives, to know what they were going to be like.  How they were planning to be the husbands and fathers they were trying to be.  I wrote this book to try to explain this world they live in, why Guyland has emerged&#8230;and how to navigate this world and be the kind of adult that [they] say [they] want to be.</p>
<p><strong>Cory:  So you&#8217;re saying you&#8217;re hoping to create a dialogue among guys about how to use this time to prepare?</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: Right, how to navigate this developmental stage more consciously and more ethically.</p>
<p><strong>Cory: You&#8217;re not advocating getting rid of this developmental stage or going back to a time when people got married earlier?</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: Absolutely not.  This developmental stage is here to stay.  Many guys that I talked to are saying things like, &#8220;What&#8217;s the rush?  Why do I have to commit to a relationship and then be married to someone for 70 years?  Give me a break!&#8221;  Other guys are saying, &#8220;That world where you retire at age 65 and you get a gold watch, that world is gone.  Corporations aren&#8217;t nearly so loyal.&#8221;  What happens is that guys are taking more time to commit to careers, more time to commit to relationships.  I don&#8217;t put any value judgement on that.  What I think is that&#8217;s the world we live in, so are we going to make that a time of drift, or are we going to make it a time when people engage ethically in these issues at this time in their lives?</p>
<p><strong>Cory: So, what led you to be interested in this subject in the first place?</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: Observing college kids.  Having a 9 year old son, watching him at the very beginning start to think about what masculinity means, what it means to be a guy, what guys are like and the differences between guys and girls.  Most of my scholarship has been on the evolving and changing definitions of masculinity in America, in response, in part to the changes in women&#8217;s lives.  And I think that the most important component to this.  In the past 30 - 40 years women&#8217;s lives have changed so dramatically that it has left a lot of men confused about their own world.  If women are our equals on the athletic field, in the corporate boardroom, in the operating room in the hospital, what&#8217;s distinctive, what is there that makes us feel like men?</p>
<p><strong>Cory: You&#8217;re saying that because of women&#8217;s rights coming to the forefront, men are becoming confused about their own role in society?</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: I think some are confused.  I think some have become angry, defensive.  I think there is an edge to a lot of Guyland.  I get a lot of, where can a guy go to just be a jerk? We can&#8217;t say disgusting things about girls anymore.  Y&#8217;know, where can a guy go to just be a guy?  To just be alone with other guys and just be as jerky as he wants to be?  They feel like there&#8217;s no place any longer that&#8217;s just for them.</p>
<p><strong>Cory: Would you say that guys in Guyland are happy?</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>:  I wouldn&#8217;t.   They spend a lot of time being drunk and sloppy and proclaiming how happy they are.  If guys are truly honest about it, they are not thrilled about all the sorts of things that go on and that they have to participate in - all the drunken revels, the binging, the hazing, the hooking up.  I mean, it leaves you feeling kind&#8217;ve empty the next morning.  How does a guy get a map to leave this place of being so excitedly entertained all the time with every new video game, CD, movie, all the entertainment that is constantly swirling around?  How do you navigate your world, your way through this place, and that&#8217;s why I wrote the book.</p>
<p><strong>Cory: If you could sum up how a guy gets a map out of Guyland, what would say that is?</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: Most guys drift out.  Five or six guys from the same fraternity will rent a house.  Eventually around 27 or 28 they will start to drift away.  One guy will get a job where he has to get up at 7:00 in the morning, so he can&#8217;t go out binge drinking every night.  Another guy will get serious with his girlfriend, they&#8217;ll move in together.  Another guy will say he&#8217;s going to go back to law school so he has to study real hard.  Gradually they drift away.  Most guys eventually get through this, but they don&#8217;t get through it unscarred and they don&#8217;t really develop a good life plan for their careers or for being the good fathers we want them to be.</p>
<p>They want to be good fathers, by the way.</p>
<p>The second part is, they do it with some help.  They need the support network.  One of the things I talk about in this book is how to develop the really good male friend.  Finding one other guy with whom you can share your feelings without the sort of mask and bravado that you always have to have out in public.  Remembering your parents, keeping them involved in your lives.  Remembering to maintain those relationships.</p>
<p>The final thing, and I think this is really important, is to listen to their own hearts.  In the name of masculinity, we guys are often asked to go along with really stupid stuff.  Guys who are making cat calls on the street and we are sort of shuffling off, hoping she doesn&#8217;t see you, all the kind of stupid stuff that we are asked to put up with all the time.  You know you don&#8217;t&#8217; feel very comfortable with it, you laughed when I said it.</p>
<p>The other night I was reading the very first Harry Potter book to my 9 year old son and at the very end of that book Professor Dumbledore says it takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies.  It takes even more to stand up to your friends.  That&#8217;s what I think guys need to do as well, and they need to look inside themselves at their own sense of right and wrong and stop being bystanders because it&#8217;s just easier because they&#8217;ll pick on you instead, and do the right thing.</p>
<p><strong>Cory: Who inspired you to go into this kind of work and research?</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: Feminist women.  That&#8217;s the easiest answer.  I started my graduate work doing 17<sup>th</sup> century French history and I got turned around to thinking about male/female relationship.  At the time in graduate school feminism was exploding all around me.  Women in my life kept saying you&#8217;ve got to write about this, think about this in your own life.  I changed the course of my life and eventually taught the very first course in the state of New Jersey on men and masculinity.  I&#8217;ve started, with other people, a sub-field of gender studies on masculinity, and that&#8217;s been the subject I&#8217;ve become an expert on the past 20 years or so.</p>
<p><strong>Cory: I took a gender studies course in college.  One professor talked about male issues and it was really interesting.</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: Was that professor male or female?</p>
<p><strong>Cory: Female</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: Most of the people who are interested in gender are women.</p>
<p><strong>Cory: Most sociologists who study gender are women?</strong></p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: Most people who think about gender are women.  Most people who think about race are black people.  White people don&#8217;t spend a whole lot of time, unless they&#8217;re white supremacists, thinking about how white they are.</p>
<p><strong>Cory</strong>: So a lot of the guys who are wrapped up in this lifestyle aren&#8217;t thinking about it.</p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>:  Right.  There&#8217;s a lot of confusion, a lot of reluctant bystanding, because they feel like they don&#8217;t have a choice.  My students to a man tell me they want to be good fathers.  They don&#8217;t have a clue.  They&#8217;ve done no preparation, no practice.  They&#8217;ve never diapered a baby, they&#8217;ve no idea how to cook, clean, anything that you&#8217;ll have to do if you&#8217;re a parent.  You know, for them, being a father is like this mystical state of being.  Suddenly when the baby emerges they think they will know all the things they need to know and of course they won&#8217;t.  So one of the things I&#8217;m interested in is helping them develop those skills.</p>
<p><strong>Cory</strong>: How would you go about trying to get your students interested in seeking out information [on being] good husbands and fathers, like you&#8217;re talking about.  Why don&#8217;t they seek out the information?</p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: Most guys are not egalitarian parents because their wives do it.  They don&#8217;t do it because they don&#8217;t have to, no one forces them to do it.  My wife wanted me to clean a lot more than I normally do so I tried cleaning up the living room, I vacuumed, and she came in and said, &#8220;this is a mess.&#8221;  Then she re-did it for me.  I can&#8217;t do it right, she&#8217;s always going to re-do it for me, so I stopped.  So, I say to these guys, if you were working at your job and your boss came in and said this is all wrong, would you stop?  Would you say, &#8220;That&#8217;s okay, I can learn to do it better?&#8221;  Why is it that when it comes to house work, guys just &#8220;stop?&#8221;  Why not say, &#8220;I can learn to do it better?  Show me what to do.&#8221;  I think that a lot of guys don&#8217;t have a plan for this and don&#8217;t know they need one.  In my experience, obviously there are a ton of mommy bloggers out there, obviously they have a lot of free time, talking about being a good enough mother.  A lot of working mothers feel guilty that they&#8217;re not being the kind of mother that they want to be, that they&#8217;re not baking home-made chocolate chip cookies from scratch every day.  The reason they&#8217;re feeling so guilty is that so often they are comparing themselves to their own mothers who did do that sort of stuff.  They&#8217;re comparing themselves to their mothers and they don&#8217;t match up because they have careers.</p>
<p>The thing about dads though, is that instead of feeling guilty, we compare ourselves to our own fathers and we feel pretty damn self-congratulatory.  If we do one dish, fix one meal, make the bed once, do the laundry once, we&#8217;re doing light years better than our fathers did.  We&#8217;re out there patting ourselves on the back, so we don&#8217;t need to read a blog about it.</p>
<p><strong>Cory</strong>: Anything else you would tell me [and our audience]?</p>
<p><strong>MK</strong>: There are two things I would say to your audience.  I speak to your audience as young men thinking about being husbands and fathers, but a lot of the men you connect with are probably also themselves the fathers of young men.  It is essential that both mothers and fathers stay involved in their sons lives.  We have this model of helicopter parenting early in their lives, we micromanage them and completely over-schedule them, and they go off to college and we go, &#8220;Okay, bye, see you later.&#8221;  Then they go off into this vacuum where there&#8217;s no adult supervision at all.  I think both parts are wrong.  At a young age parents need to back off a little bit, and we also have to stay connected to our sons when they do leave home and go to college.  Instead of being helicopter parents, I call it being power strip parents.  You help your kids stay connected, you provide grounding for them, and if it gets to overload you run interference.</p>
<p>&copy;2010 <a href="http://husbandsanddads.com">Husbands and Dads</a>. All Rights Reserved.</p>.<img src="http://husbandsanddads.com/?ak_action=api_record_view&id=376&type=feed" alt="" />

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		<title>Tips for Dads - How to Soothe a Crying Baby</title>
		<link>http://husbandsanddads.com/tips-for-dads-how-to-soothe-a-crying-baby/</link>
		<comments>http://husbandsanddads.com/tips-for-dads-how-to-soothe-a-crying-baby/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:56:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jeremy</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Fatherhood]]></category>

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		<category><![CDATA[Kids]]></category>

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		<category><![CDATA[calm a child]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[crying baby]]></category>

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		<category><![CDATA[parenting tips]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[soothe a child]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[tips for dad]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[No parent likes to hear their baby cry.  The high-pitched screaming combined with the bright red face oftentimes is enough to send moms or dads into panic mode.  While remaining calm is definitely key to success, it is a tall order for any parent, but more especially for dads who aren't sure how soothe a crying child.  Why is it more stressful for dads? Because we like to fix things...<em>immediately</em>; however, turning off a baby's tears is not as simple as fixing a leaky faucet.


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://husbandsanddads.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/ty-and-dad-profile2_resized.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-263" style="margin: 5px; float: right;" title="ty-and-dad-profile2_resized" src="http://husbandsanddads.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/ty-and-dad-profile2_resized-224x300.jpg" alt="" width="160" height="214" /></a>No parent likes to hear their baby cry.  The high-pitched screaming combined with the bright red face oftentimes is enough to send moms or dads into panic mode.  While remaining calm is definitely key to success, it is a tall order for any parent, but more especially for dads who aren&#8217;t sure how soothe a crying child.</p>
<p>Why is it more stressful for dads? Because we like to fix things&#8230;<em>immediately</em>; however, turning off a baby&#8217;s tears is not as simple as fixing a leaky faucet.  And, unfortunately, there are times when nothing you do works to calm an upset child.  Not to fear, though, there are some simple techniques that dads can use that will work the majority of the time.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Here are a few <span style="color: #0000ff;"><strong>Tips for Soothing a Crying Baby</strong></span>:</span></p>
<p>1.  <strong>Eliminate the easy reasons why your child might be upset, like hunger or dirty diaper</strong>.  Most of the time, if your baby is crying, it&#8217;s because he or she wants something.  Check the child&#8217;s diaper and change it if necessary.  If you&#8217;re baby is working on a poop, then it may take a while to calm her, especially since some babies might not poop every day and build-up gas &#8220;poop-losions.&#8221;  After you try the diaper, warm-up a bottle and offer it to the baby.</p>
<p>2.  <strong>The five &#8220;S&#8221;s from <a href="http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/" target="_blank" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/www.thehappiestbaby.com/?referer=');">The Happiest Baby on the Block</a></strong>.  If you haven&#8217;t seen the Happiest Baby DVD, it is worth every penny when it comes to soothing your child.  Basically, it covers the art of swaddling, side/stomach (positioning), shhhushing, swinging and sucking.  All of these 5 things can be used together or separately to help calm your child.  Personally, I have found that swaddling, shhhushing and swaying with my kids almost always works, if they are tired or overstimulated.</p>
<p>3.  <strong>Stand up, sway and sing or hum</strong>.  Babies like to be held, and you shouldn&#8217;t worry about spoiling them.  Many times just being close to you makes them feel better.  If holding them alone doesn&#8217;t work, then stand up and hold the baby with her head close to your neck.  Sway back and forth and sing or hum softly.  The combination of the closeness, motion and sound will likely put your baby to sleep, and this technique has earned many a dad the title of &#8220;sleepinator.&#8221;</p>
<p>4.  <strong>Make sure he isn&#8217;t too warm or cold</strong>.  Babies are very sensitive to temperature, and it&#8217;s not always good to have your child wrapped in multiple layers of clothes and blankets.  A good rule of thumb is to give your baby one extra layer than you are comfortable with in the room.  Also, if you&#8217;re outside with the child, it is important to protech him from the sun, but it may be hard to do that for very long without making him too hot.  Plan for shorter periods outside during warm or cold months, and if your child gets upset, trying going into a more controlled environment.</p>
<p>5.  <strong>Walk, dance, stroll or drive</strong>.  Find the type of motion that your baby likes, but only use it as a last resort.  Why?  Do you really want to have to walk around the block or drive around the neighborhood every time your baby cries?  Save this technique as your ace in the hole or last resort.</p>
<p>6.  <strong>Smile, make funny faces, talk to her</strong>.  Attitude is contagious, even among babies.  Your child can tell whether you&#8217;re happy, sad or stressed.  Take a deep breath, smile and make bright eyes at her - I guarantee that when she smiles back at you it will make everything &#8220;all better&#8221; for both of you.</p>
<p>7.  <strong>Pacify</strong>.  This is my least favorite technique, but sometimes it&#8217;s the only one that works.  Ever hear the expression, &#8220;like taking candy from a baby?&#8221; Well, this technique is like giving candy to a baby.  Pacifiers may get your child to stop crying in the moment, but it will be a battle later to get her to stop using it if a habit is developed.  Some babies find their thumbs or fingers quickly, and this may be slightly better if only because the child learns to soothe himself.  I&#8217;ve seen some dads stick their own fingers in a baby&#8217;s mouth to calm him, which to me is totally disgusting - do you know how dirty our hands are? You may need to resort to pacification, but I wouldn&#8217;t recommend relying on it as a primary means of soothing your child.</p>
<p>Here are some additional resources you may find useful:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_seven-reasons-babies-cry-and-how-to-soothe-them_9790.bc" target="_blank" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/www.babycenter.com/0_seven-reasons-babies-cry-and-how-to-soothe-them_9790.bc?referer=');">Seven Reasons Babies Cry and How to Soothe Them</a><br />
<a href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_ten-dad-tested-ways-to-soothe-a-crying-baby_3691.bc" target="_blank" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/www.babycenter.com/0_ten-dad-tested-ways-to-soothe-a-crying-baby_3691.bc?referer=');">10 Dad Tested Ways to Soothe a Crying Baby</a><br />
<a href="http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/ncrying/0,,h7fl,00.html" target="_blank" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/ncrying/0_h7fl_00.html?referer=');">21 Ways to Soothe Your Crying Baby</a></p>
<p>These techniques have worked well with my kids, but I&#8217;m definitely interested in learning what has worked for you?  Moms often have the luxury of soothing through breast feeding, which is also a great way for bonding; however, dads obviously need to find different ways to calm baby.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0000ff;"><em><strong>What are some ways that you&#8217;ve found work to calm a crying baby?</strong></em></span></p>
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		<title>Roughhousing with the Kids</title>
		<link>http://husbandsanddads.com/roughhousing-with-the-kids/</link>
		<comments>http://husbandsanddads.com/roughhousing-with-the-kids/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 31 Jul 2008 06:37:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jeremy</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Fatherhood]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Kids]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[dr ken r canfield]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[loving authority]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[National Center for Fathering]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[playtime]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[roughhousing]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[wrestle]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://husbandsanddads.com/?p=75</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I've read several articles on the subject of roughhousing, and there are a variety of opinions. Conservative parents or experts warn that kids will imitate the aggressive behavior with other kids causing potential injury. <em>Well...</em>I guess it's possible, but I've never seen my kids do it. When things go too far, including hitting or biting, I stop and address the behavior. If it happens again, then playtime is over.


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>I love to roughhouse with my kids.</strong> It&#8217;s a fun way to connect and let them know that I care about them. Chasing, tackling, tickling and safely tossing them around never fails to get a laugh.</p>
<p>My wife thinks that it gets the kids too riled up. I think she just wants to make sure nothing gets broken, including me or the kids.</p>
<p>I have to admit there have been a few times things got out of hand. There was one time I accidentally tossed my oldest into a garbage can. It didn&#8217;t hurt her, but it sure did make me feel like a <em>horrible</em> dad at the time!</p>
<p>Now that she is a teenager, it&#8217;s not as &#8220;cool&#8221; to wrestle around with dad. Every once in a while, though, I show her that I can lift her above my head or tickle her off of the cell phone. Roughhousing with her has evolved into a more subtle form of playful torture.</p>
<p>My son is 2-years-old, and he loves to wrestle. He likes for me to get down on all fours and chase him around the room. I tackle him to the ground and give him &#8216;zerberts&#8217; on his belly. He also gets a kick out of tackling me and bouncing up-and-down on my back. Every time I get tired and try to quit, he says, &#8220;Again, again, daddy&#8230;tickle, go fast, again!&#8221; It&#8217;s hard to say no.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve read several articles on the subject of roughhousing, and there are a variety of opinions. Conservative parents or experts warn that kids will imitate the aggressive behavior with other kids causing potential injury. <em>Well&#8230;</em>I guess it&#8217;s possible, but I&#8217;ve never seen my kids do it. When things go too far, including hitting or biting, I stop and address the behavior. If it happens again, then playtime is over.</p>
<p>The article that best captured my sentiments was called <a href="http://www.parentsupersite.com/New%20Articles/Roughhousing.html" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/www.parentsupersite.com/New_20Articles/Roughhousing.html?referer=');">Roughhousing</a> from <strong>Parent Super Site</strong>. The author <strong>Dr. Ken R. Canfield</strong> of the <a href="http://www.fathers.com/" target="_blank" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/www.fathers.com/?referer=');">National Center for Fathering</a> said:</p>
<p><a href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_3FxR9IFvXgs/R9YAOq23ECI/AAAAAAAAAzs/ioYp85S7URs/s1600-h/tyandjwrestle.JPG" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/bp1.blogger.com/_3FxR9IFvXgs/R9YAOq23ECI/AAAAAAAAAzs/ioYp85S7URs/s1600-h/tyandjwrestle.JPG?referer=');"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176325073731522594" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_3FxR9IFvXgs/R9YAOq23ECI/AAAAAAAAAzs/ioYp85S7URs/s200/tyandjwrestle.JPG" border="0" alt="" /></a><em>&#8220;Through this kind of play, your kids learn some of the first lessons about loving authority. According to Jim and Charles Fay, roughhousing teaches your kids that you love them, that you&#8217;re strong enough to control them, and that you won&#8217;t control them unless it&#8217;s necessary. Your kids learn that you&#8217;re powerful and kind and gentle at the same time.&#8221;</em></p>
<p>I see myself as a &#8220;loving authority&#8221; in my kids&#8217; lives. I care about them very much, and I would never hurt them. I don&#8217;t like to exert too much control, as I would rather teach them to explore the world without unwarranted fears or stress. It&#8217;s clear to them, though, that I am the parent and they are the kids<em> -</em> <em>I expect them to respect me and my decisions</em>.</p>
<p>I also see myself as a fun parent. <strong>I like to do things with my kids, including roughhousing</strong>. I don&#8217;t think it sets a bad example for how to behave; in fact, I think it is one of the most healthy things we do together.</p>
<p>My dad roughhoused with me, and I believe it helped us to build a strong bond at an early age that was different than the relationship I had with my mother. This bond continues to today, although <em><strong>I think I could probably take him now!</strong></em></p>
<p>Roughhousing is a fun way to connect with your kids. Every dad has a different parenting style, but every kid wants the same thing from you - <em>to feel loved and that you care</em>. Don&#8217;t be afraid to get down on the floor, wrestle around and show your kids that you are a loving authority. You&#8217;ll probably end up laughing more than them!</p>
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		<title>Seven Ways to Role Model Thankfulness</title>
		<link>http://husbandsanddads.com/seven-ways-to-role-model-thankfulness/</link>
		<comments>http://husbandsanddads.com/seven-ways-to-role-model-thankfulness/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2008 05:28:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jeremy</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Fatherhood]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[dad]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[father]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[gratitude]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[kids]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[role model]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[thankfulness]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[values]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[virtue]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://husbandsanddads.com/?p=10</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[People like to complain. If it’s not the rise in gas prices, then it’s the fall in stock values.  Taxes are too high, and political accountability is too low.  The economy is in the toilet, and customer service sucks!  The house is always dirty, and the kids never appreciate how hard you work to put [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>People like to complain.</strong></span> If it’s not the rise in gas prices, then it’s the fall in stock values.  Taxes are too high, and political accountability is too low.  The economy is in the toilet, and customer service sucks!  The house is always dirty, and the kids never appreciate how hard you work to put food on the table.  Things aren’t like they were when we were young.  It’s different now.  Worse.  Harder.  Most of the good things are gone.  The white picket fence and 2.5 kids was a myth or a lie, and anyone who acts genuinely happy is obviously delusional or hiding something.</p>
<p>How many people do you know who are like this?  You know, the ones who never have enough money to pay the bills, yet every person in the family has a brand new camera phone (<a href="http://www.switched.com/2007/11/14/82-of-americans-own-cell-phones/" target="_blank" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/www.switched.com/2007/11/14/82-of-americans-own-cell-phones/?referer=');">82% of Americans own cell phones</a>).  The ones who complain that their marriage sucks, yet neither person makes any serious effort to work on the relationship.  And worst of all, the parents who do nothing but bitch about how rotten and ungrateful their kids are toward them, however an outside observer can clearly see that they are just trying to get mom or dad to look at them with a little more love and less hate (<em>or regret</em>) in their eyes.</p>
<p>What do you think kids are learning from these types of behaviors?  That the world is a big, wonderful place full of possibilities, or a shitty, horrible planet filled with people trying to screw them over?  Our kids learn how to act from us, and let me be blunt, they are fast learners.</p>
<p>Children are like little sponges running around us, soaking up all of the words, signals and emotions that we send out to others.  Think it’s OK to call your girlfriend and complain about what a jerk your husband is for working late again?  Watch and see how your son or daughter emulates that behavior while playing with toys or other kids.  Think it’s OK to yell at your wife, shake your finger and stomp out of the room?  Yeah, some temper tantrums are a normal part of growing up, but kids that speak with disrespect and hate toward their parents learn that behavior, oftentimes from you.</p>
<p>People like to complain, but as parents, it is important that we moderate this behavior and recognize its potentially harmful effects on our kids.  Bob Moawad, founder of <a href="http://www.edgelearning.com/ihe.php" target="_blank" onclick="urchinTracker('/outgoing/www.edgelearning.com/ihe.php?referer=');">Increasing Human Effectiveness</a>, said, <em>“Smile! Attitude is contagious!”</em> I couldn’t agree with him more.  Our attitude as parents is contagious to our kids.  If we are unhappy, then chances are our kids are going to be unhappy too.  If we are dissatisfied with life, then our kids will be too.  If we complain all of the time, then our kids are going to learn this behavior and be the next generation of complainers to carry on the tradition.  <em>Who really wants that for their kids?</em> I doubt anyone would say that they do, yet I’d be willing to bet more than half go on bitching and moaning about all the bad things in life.</p>
<p>So, what is the alternative?  If you’re not going to complain, then what are you going to do?  If you’re not going to bitch about someone or something, then what will be left to say?  If you’re not going to wallow in your own misery, then who will give you sympathy? If you’re not going to be negative, then what will you do to get attention from your spouse, friends or children?</p>
<p><strong><em>Why not be thankful for the things you do have?</em></strong> There <em>are </em>things going well in your life, <em>right?</em> Most people I know own a home and/or car, have a job that pays them on time, and a spouse and/or kids that love them.  Most people I know that live in the United States have a life that millions (<em>maybe billions</em>) of people around the world would envy.  And, as parents, we also have one of life’s most precious gifts of all - <em>our kids!</em></p>
<p><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Here are Seven Ways You Can Role Model Thankfulness to your kids:</strong></span></p>
<p><strong>Stop complaining - start praising</strong>.  Tell your family and friends more often the things they are doing right, and how much that means to you.  Explain why you appreciate their actions and encourage them to repeat positive behaviors more often.  Share your pride in loved one’s achievements - be specific about what they did that made you feel that way.  Make praise a habit.</p>
<p><strong>Public displays of affection.</strong> Hold hands with your spouse in public; give her a hug and kiss when you first walk in the door; tell him that you love him every day and mean it, even if other people are in the room.</p>
<p><strong>Smile more often.</strong> Seriously, as Moawad said, “Attitude is contagious!”  He also said, “Fake it ’till you make it,” which may be what you have to do to get started on this.  A smile implies satisfaction and thankfulness for what’s happening in that moment.</p>
<p><strong>Use your manners.</strong> Being polite and courteous shows people that you respect them as a human being.  Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ immediately lowers a person’s defenses and opens the door to have a pleasant interaction.  Teaching your children to use their manners demonstrates an appreciation for other people’s feelings.</p>
<p><strong>Write a thank you note with your kids.</strong> Every time your kids receive a gift, it is an opportunity for you to teach them thankfulness.  Yes, they should say “Thank You” and give hugs and kisses; however, they (<em>you</em>) should also go that extra step and write a note to the giver.</p>
<p><strong>Engage in proactive, positive self-talk.</strong> Find the things that you really like about yourself.  Write them down.  Read them out loud.  Smile while you’re saying it.  Think about what benefits you gain in life from these things.  Discover new ways to leverage these things in your relationships, including those with your spouse and kids.</p>
<p><strong>Offer positive suggestions, or solutions, when talking to others.</strong> The quickest way to shut down a bitch-fest is to make a positive suggestion or offer a viable solution.  Complainers don’t want solutions - they want attention.  If your kids are complaining, help them find a solution on their own so that they can appreciate the results of their efforts.</p>
<p>These are just some of the ways you can role model thankfulness to your kids, as well as bring out a genuine feeling of appreciation for life within yourself.</p>
<p>Does this mean that you should never complain?  No, but serial complaining is not acceptable behavior for parents.  Our kids deserve more from us - <em>they deserve to be happy</em>.  Thankfulness is a prerequisite to happiness, in my experience.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0000ff; font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Do you role model thankfulness to your kids?</strong></em></span><span style="color: #0000ff;"> </span></p>
<p><em>Please share how you do it in the comments.</em></p>
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