Teenage sexual activity is down from 53% in 1991 to just under 47% in 2005, and teenage pregnancy has decreased from 117 in 1000 to 72 in 1000 in the same time frame. National efforts to raise awareness about the problem of teenage pregnancy seems to be effective.

With all that said, fathers are still the best line of defense for stopping their daughters from having sex, getting into abusive relationships, and from getting pregnant once they are sexually active. The following chart from a 2007 survey by the National Project for the Prevention of Teenage and Unplanned pregnancy shows that while many parents think that media and their kids’ friends sway their teenagers’ attitudes about sex, the teenagers themselves say that their parents are much more likely to be a stronger guide in their choices and attitudes regarding sex.

The question that was asked was, “When it comes to your/teens’ decisions about sex, who is most influential? Is it…?” You can click on the image to enlarge it.

Fathers can help their daughters avoid teenage pregnancy in the following ways:

Have the talk. You know, that one. Have it early, have it often. I know many of you fathers go into a murderous rage or melt into a incoherent puddle when you think about some boy touching your daughter, but the fact is that your daughter needs to understand that she can talk about this with you, and that she can ask questions if she wants. Don’t allow your daughter to find out how sex works by overhearing other girls’ conversations in aerobics class. By the way, the survey cited above

Encourage teenagers to seek out positive entertainment and entertainers. The super popular Jonas Brothers have all taken vows of chastity until marriage, as has American Idol and current radio darling Jordin Sparks. Virginity is becoming as retro and cool as bell bottom jeans, tube socks, and plaid sweaters.

Be open and available to talk to your daughter. Teenagers don’t talk when you want to listen, and they don’t listen when you want to talk. They do it on their own time. Anyone with a teenager can tell you that. You have to be open to the signals. If your child wants to talk, you might only have a small window to instill a little bit of parental wisdom.

Treat your wife with respect and dignity. In case after case, girls marry men who remind them of their fathers, and children pattern their marriages after the ones that they saw growing up. If your daughter sees you treating your wife with respect, she will expect the same thing in her own relationships.

Take your daughter on a Daddy Daughter Date. One daughter shared a story about how when she was 14 years old, her father invited her on a date for the following Friday. He showed up at the front door at the time of their appointed date in a suit, with a flower for her. He escorted her to her car, opened her door, and drove her to a nice dinner at a local restaurant. The entire night, he treated her as he wanted a young man to treat her on a date. He pulled out her chair, stood when she got up from the table, and gave her his full attention (no Blackberry, no texting). Towards the end of the evening, he gave his daughter a special gift. He gave her a ring that he told her represented her chastity. He told her that he trusted her and that he only asked that when she lost her virginity she return the ring to him. The daughter held onto the ring until after her wedding and then gave it to her father, letting him know that she had stayed chaste until her wedding night.

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Here are 5 Speeches to Help Inspire Fathers:

1.  The Sermon on the Mount - Matthew 5 - 7 from the Holy Bible.  You don’t have to be incredibly religious to gain insights and inspiration from this speech by Jesus of Nazareth, in which he said, “Ye are the light of the world.  A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.  Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

2.  The Famous Patton Speech by General George S. Patton, Jr.  Patton was a legendary general.  His words are not only relevant to troops of soldiers, but also dads who want to be good leaders within their families.  He said, “The real hero is the man who fights even though he is scared…a real man will never let his fear of death overpower his honour, his sense of duty to his country and his innate manhood.”

3.  Inaugural Address of John F. Kennedy.  JFK’s speech speaks to the possibilities in life, and it encourages you to take action to positively affect the world around you.  Dads want their kids to change the world for the better, and Kennedy’s words can help motivate and inspire both father and child.  “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”

4.  I Have a Dream by Martin Luther King, Jr.  King’s words stir the soul and move the spirit.  This speech will make you want to talk to you kids about living a good and moral life, as well as appreciating all of the blessings in your family has today.  Dr. King said, “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed:  We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.”

5.  Strength and Decency by Theodore Roosevelt.  “Teddy” Roosevelt was a hard-nosed and courageous leader, and as the speech title suggests, his words inspire strength, decency and more.  He advocated leading by example, “It is peculiarly incumbent upon you who have strength to set a right example to others….You must feel that the most effective way in which you can preach is by your practice.”

Are there any great speeches throughout history that inspire you to be a better father?  How about a better man?  Please share them with us.

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With so many adoptions happening each year, why are so many men afraid of adoption?  Well, according to a new study released by the Federal Government, they aren’t.

Wait, what?

The traditional stereotype has been that men want to continue their lineage with biological children of their own and are reluctant to adopt.  The new study shows, however, that men adopt almost twice as much as women do.

A large portion (more than half) of these adoptions are men adopting stepchildren from new marriages.  Another portion is single men, straight and gay, adopting.  Many married men are also becoming more comfortable with the idea of adoption.

Here are a few stories of men who have chosen to adopt.  Their stories are varied and interesting, at times heartwarming and difficult.

Charles Rathman, a marketing analyst from Wisconsin, and his wife adopted an ethnic child.  Went through a Lutheran adoption agency and had an uncommonly quick experience.

After completing the necessary paperwork, background checks, and home study, Charles and his wife Carla felt like they were ready to adopt.  Having heard stories about adoptions taking months, sometimes years, Charles and his wife felt like they were prepared for the wait.  They didn’t understand why their adoption caseworker was so insistent that they finish up the last few loose ends so quickly, but they soon found out.

It turns out that the agency already had a child under care that they were looking to adopt as soon as possible, and the agency wanted Charles and his wife to take this child.  Within weeks of finishing their paperwork, they had a child placed in their home.

There are a ton of couples who have chosen to share their stories of adoption on the internet.  Many of these couples share their stories using free blogging software like Blogger.com or Wordpress.com.  To read a few, try clicking here for Charles & Carla’s story, or here for Mary & Mike’s story.

John Smith and his wife adopted a child from Korea.  John said that concerns about bonding were never a problem, but that he and his wife were hampered by their family feeling that adoption was wrong, that if they were going to have children, that God would make them get pregnant.  It took 2 years for them to arrange their adoption because of international laws.  John and his wife used a non-religious international non-profit organization that has been in operation for over 30 years.  They are planning on bringing home their child by january.

Don, from Portland, Oregon, had a negative experience with adoption.  Of all of the stories that were sent to me, this one was the only negative.  He reported that while the child he and his wife adopted was fine initially, after several years the child began having behavioral problems that tests later showed were related to fetal alcohol syndrome.  He faults the adoption for his wife leaving and says that he no longer has contact with his adopted daughter.  Don reported that he and several other individuals were part of a support network that helped people deal with adoptions gone wrong.

Chris Nolte, from Iowa, related his story about adopting their now 16 year old daughter. Chris and his wife also used a Lutheran adoption ministry to find a child to adopt.  In 1992, just three months after receiving approval to adopt, Chris and his wife received a phone call telling them that they had been selected for an adoption and that they needed to arrive at the hospital to pick up their new infant the next morning.  Chris also reported never having a problem bonding with his child, and says that fatherhood is “the greatest job in the world.”

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All of us want to become better fathers, and there is a lot to learn from great leaders of the past.

Here are 19 Things Dads Can Learn from Past Presidents:

1. Nobody is perfect. As John Adams said, “No man is entirely free from weakness and imperfection in this life.”

2. Values are a necessity in life. As Jimmy Carter said, “Our American values are not luxuries, but necessities— not the salt in our bread, but the bread itself.”

3. Punishment fits the crime. As Grover Cleveland said, “No man has ever yet been hanged for breaking the spirit of a law.”

4. Keep moving forward. As Bill Clinton said, “Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow.”

5. You get what you pay for in life. As Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “There is no victory at bargain basement prices.”

6. Play fair and by the rules. As Millard Fillmore said, “An honorable defeat is better than a dishonorable victory.”

7. Life is not rocket science - don’t make things harder than they need to be. As Gerald Ford said, “Tell the truth, work hard, and come to dinner on time.”

8. Act on ideas and try new things. As James Garfield said, “Ideas control the world.”

9. Treat others with fairness, respect and dignity. As Benjamin Harrison said, “I pity the man who wants a coat so cheap that the man or woman who produces the cloth will starve in the process.”

10. No one likes a show off. As Herbert Hoover said, “All men are equal before fish.”

11. Be careful what you say. As Thomas Jefferson said, “When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.”

12. Admit when you don’t know the answer or what to do. As Lyndon Johnson said, “You know, doing what is right is easy. The problem is knowing what is right.”

13. Embrace change. As John F. Kennedy said, “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”

14. We all have something in common. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.”

15. Make the best of every situation. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

16. Take responsibility for your own actions. As Harry Truman said, “The buck stops here!”

17. Do a job right. As Martin Van Buren said, “It is easier to do a job right than to explain why you didn’t.”

18. Choose your friends wisely. As George Washington said, “Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.”

19. All of us are smarter than one of us. As Woodrow Wilson said, “I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.”

No matter what your political persuasion, there are many things Dads can learn from past Presidents of the United States. In addition to these useful insights, it is important for all parents to talk about the upcoming national election in the U.S. on November 4th. One of the smartest things any dad can do is teach his kids the importance of voting.

What is your favorite quote, maxim or lesson learned from a past U.S. President?

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Why is it more stressful for dads? Because we like to fix things…immediately; however, turning off a baby’s tears is not as simple as fixing a leaky faucet.  And, unfortunately, there are times when nothing you do works to calm an upset child.  Not to fear, though, there are some simple techniques that dads can use that will work the majority of the time.

Here are a few Tips for Soothing a Crying Baby:

1.  Eliminate the easy reasons why your child might be upset, like hunger or dirty diaper.  Most of the time, if your baby is crying, it’s because he or she wants something.  Check the child’s diaper and change it if necessary.  If you’re baby is working on a poop, then it may take a while to calm her, especially since some babies might not poop every day and build-up gas “poop-losions.”  After you try the diaper, warm-up a bottle and offer it to the baby.

2.  The five “S”s from The Happiest Baby on the Block.  If you haven’t seen the Happiest Baby DVD, it is worth every penny when it comes to soothing your child.  Basically, it covers the art of swaddling, side/stomach (positioning), shhhushing, swinging and sucking.  All of these 5 things can be used together or separately to help calm your child.  Personally, I have found that swaddling, shhhushing and swaying with my kids almost always works, if they are tired or overstimulated.

3.  Stand up, sway and sing or hum.  Babies like to be held, and you shouldn’t worry about spoiling them.  Many times just being close to you makes them feel better.  If holding them alone doesn’t work, then stand up and hold the baby with her head close to your neck.  Sway back and forth and sing or hum softly.  The combination of the closeness, motion and sound will likely put your baby to sleep, and this technique has earned many a dad the title of “sleepinator.”

4.  Make sure he isn’t too warm or cold.  Babies are very sensitive to temperature, and it’s not always good to have your child wrapped in multiple layers of clothes and blankets.  A good rule of thumb is to give your baby one extra layer than you are comfortable with in the room.  Also, if you’re outside with the child, it is important to protech him from the sun, but it may be hard to do that for very long without making him too hot.  Plan for shorter periods outside during warm or cold months, and if your child gets upset, trying going into a more controlled environment.

5.  Walk, dance, stroll or drive.  Find the type of motion that your baby likes, but only use it as a last resort.  Why?  Do you really want to have to walk around the block or drive around the neighborhood every time your baby cries?  Save this technique as your ace in the hole or last resort.

6.  Smile, make funny faces, talk to her.  Attitude is contagious, even among babies.  Your child can tell whether you’re happy, sad or stressed.  Take a deep breath, smile and make bright eyes at her - I guarantee that when she smiles back at you it will make everything “all better” for both of you.

7.  Pacify.  This is my least favorite technique, but sometimes it’s the only one that works.  Ever hear the expression, “like taking candy from a baby?” Well, this technique is like giving candy to a baby.  Pacifiers may get your child to stop crying in the moment, but it will be a battle later to get her to stop using it if a habit is developed.  Some babies find their thumbs or fingers quickly, and this may be slightly better if only because the child learns to soothe himself.  I’ve seen some dads stick their own fingers in a baby’s mouth to calm him, which to me is totally disgusting - do you know how dirty our hands are? You may need to resort to pacification, but I wouldn’t recommend relying on it as a primary means of soothing your child.

Here are some additional resources you may find useful:

Seven Reasons Babies Cry and How to Soothe Them
10 Dad Tested Ways to Soothe a Crying Baby
21 Ways to Soothe Your Crying Baby

These techniques have worked well with my kids, but I’m definitely interested in learning what has worked for you?  Moms often have the luxury of soothing through breast feeding, which is also a great way for bonding; however, dads obviously need to find different ways to calm baby.

What are some ways that you’ve found work to calm a crying baby?

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As your child grows into the teenage years, it’s healthy for him or her to develop their own identity and a sense of independence.  During this time, the relationship you have with them will be tested.  Some parents want their kids to treat them like a “friend,” but I’ve always found the my teenage daughter has enough friends.  She needs me to be a parent.  Still, I like to maintain a strong bond with her, even though it is at a further distance than prior times in her life.

10 Easy Ways to Bond with Your Teenager

1.  Schedule 2 days a month to spend time together one-on-one.  Let your teenager decide what to do on one day, then you decide what to do on the other.  Empower them to make decisions that you’ll actually agree to doing.  You may need to set some basic ground rules in advance, such as budget or time available.  Then, when it’s your turn to decide, pick something interesting and unexpected that might also be a pleasant surprise.

2.  Go to their games, practices or rehearsals.  They might not act like their scared, but most teens are nervous about competitive environments, mostly because they are afraid of failure.  Your presence is meaningful to them because you represent the strongest support network in their lives.  You may think that they’re ignoring you at these events, but they know you’re there and it does matter.

3.  Positive Talk - you show, they tell, every day.  Teenagers self-esteem hangs by a thread, and it’s easy for them to develop a habit of negative self talk.  You can enhance your relationship with them by setting a good example of positive self talk (show), while also teaching them to verbalize good things about themselves (tell).  Share with your teenager something you really like and appreciate about them every day, and then have them tell you something they really like about themselves too.  Make this about them and not you (trust me, that will not be hard to do - everything is about them!).

4.  Eat dinner together as a family.  Having a meal together as a family is an excellent way to open the door to family conversations.  If you’ve made this a habit prior to the teen years, then it will be easier to maintain afterward.  Teens will remember the family routines when they’re older, so you’re actually teaching them some important lessons now.  Get your teenager talking about his or her day.  Ask conversational questions.  Actively listen to them and engage in real, genuine conversation.  Put your work aside and turn the TV off.  Focus on your teen, and she will be more likely to focus on you.

5.  Help them with their homework or studies.  Making the transition from grade-to-grade during the teenage years is really hard for many kids, especially going from Middle School to High School.  Help your kids by setting rules, guidelines and expectations about homework and grades, and then take the time to help them build effective habits and understand the topics of study.  If they have a big test coming up, spend an hour quizzing them - you might actually learn some new things yourself!

6.  Volunteerism.  Most teenagers are involved in some kind of extracurricular activity, or you may be involved in something with the school or local community.  Either way, there is always a need for volunteers.  Ask your teenager what he or she is really passionate about, such as animals or the environment or elder care, then schedule some time to go and do volunteer work together.

7.  Pick a vacation destination that your teenager will actually enjoy.  Your teenager may feel like he or she is too old to go to Disneyland or Sea World, but Six Flags or Busch Gardens might be something they find more fun and exciting.  The beach is always a popular destination in the summer, and snow skiing is a fun winter activity.  Picking the right destination will greatly impact your teenager’s attitude about the trip, which will directly impact your ability to bond with him or her during that time.

8.  Enroll in an activity of their choice together.  Sign-up for karate, yoga, piano lessons, equestrian, the local 4-H or whatever they would like to do together with you (again within certain boundaries).  Doing activities like these with your teen gives you something in common to talk about other than school or friends or family.  It may also turn into something of great pride and satisfaction for you both.

9.  Play games - board games or video games.  This is one of my teenage daughter’s favorite things to do with me.  It’s easier to talk during board games, but video games may be slightly more exciting.  It’s hard to keep up with all of the video games, but it would be worth your while to learn how to play a few.  Many games also develop cognitive thinking skills, so you’re actually helping him or her while having fun.

10.  Be supportive of them when they fall.  Teens are an extremely emotional bunch.  They’re feelings are easily hurt, and every relationship they have is tenuous.  There are a lot of crying days for teens, so it creates an opportuntiy to comfort them, listen to and encourage them.

The bond you have with your teenager can be maintained with some effort on your part.  It may not seem like a big deal now, especially if you are feeling ignored or at odds with your teen, but they will remember it later in life. A father’s influence in a teenager’s life is critical.

Please feel free to share any tips you have for bonding with your teenager.

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My wife thinks that it gets the kids too riled up. I think she just wants to make sure nothing gets broken, including me or the kids.

I have to admit there have been a few times things got out of hand. There was one time I accidentally tossed my oldest into a garbage can. It didn’t hurt her, but it sure did make me feel like a horrible dad at the time!

Now that she is a teenager, it’s not as “cool” to wrestle around with dad. Every once in a while, though, I show her that I can lift her above my head or tickle her off of the cell phone. Roughhousing with her has evolved into a more subtle form of playful torture.

My son is 2-years-old, and he loves to wrestle. He likes for me to get down on all fours and chase him around the room. I tackle him to the ground and give him ‘zerberts’ on his belly. He also gets a kick out of tackling me and bouncing up-and-down on my back. Every time I get tired and try to quit, he says, “Again, again, daddy…tickle, go fast, again!” It’s hard to say no.

I’ve read several articles on the subject of roughhousing, and there are a variety of opinions. Conservative parents or experts warn that kids will imitate the aggressive behavior with other kids causing potential injury. Well…I guess it’s possible, but I’ve never seen my kids do it. When things go too far, including hitting or biting, I stop and address the behavior. If it happens again, then playtime is over.

The article that best captured my sentiments was called Roughhousing from Parent Super Site. The author Dr. Ken R. Canfield of the National Center for Fathering said:

“Through this kind of play, your kids learn some of the first lessons about loving authority. According to Jim and Charles Fay, roughhousing teaches your kids that you love them, that you’re strong enough to control them, and that you won’t control them unless it’s necessary. Your kids learn that you’re powerful and kind and gentle at the same time.”

I see myself as a “loving authority” in my kids’ lives. I care about them very much, and I would never hurt them. I don’t like to exert too much control, as I would rather teach them to explore the world without unwarranted fears or stress. It’s clear to them, though, that I am the parent and they are the kids - I expect them to respect me and my decisions.

I also see myself as a fun parent. I like to do things with my kids, including roughhousing. I don’t think it sets a bad example for how to behave; in fact, I think it is one of the most healthy things we do together.

My dad roughhoused with me, and I believe it helped us to build a strong bond at an early age that was different than the relationship I had with my mother. This bond continues to today, although I think I could probably take him now!

Roughhousing is a fun way to connect with your kids. Every dad has a different parenting style, but every kid wants the same thing from you - to feel loved and that you care. Don’t be afraid to get down on the floor, wrestle around and show your kids that you are a loving authority. You’ll probably end up laughing more than them!

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