Husbands and Dads

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As your child grows into the teenage years, it’s healthy for him or her to develop their own identity and a sense of independence.  During this time, the relationship you have with them will be tested.  Some parents want their kids to treat them like a “friend,” but I’ve always found the my teenage daughter has enough friends.  She needs me to be a parent.  Still, I like to maintain a strong bond with her, even though it is at a further distance than prior times in her life.

10 Easy Ways to Bond with Your Teenager

1.  Schedule 2 days a month to spend time together one-on-one.  Let your teenager decide what to do on one day, then you decide what to do on the other.  Empower them to make decisions that you’ll actually agree to doing.  You may need to set some basic ground rules in advance, such as budget or time available.  Then, when it’s your turn to decide, pick something interesting and unexpected that might also be a pleasant surprise.

2.  Go to their games, practices or rehearsals.  They might not act like their scared, but most teens are nervous about competitive environments, mostly because they are afraid of failure.  Your presence is meaningful to them because you represent the strongest support network in their lives.  You may think that they’re ignoring you at these events, but they know you’re there and it does matter.

3.  Positive Talk - you show, they tell, every day.  Teenagers self-esteem hangs by a thread, and it’s easy for them to develop a habit of negative self talk.  You can enhance your relationship with them by setting a good example of positive self talk (show), while also teaching them to verbalize good things about themselves (tell).  Share with your teenager something you really like and appreciate about them every day, and then have them tell you something they really like about themselves too.  Make this about them and not you (trust me, that will not be hard to do - everything is about them!).

4.  Eat dinner together as a family.  Having a meal together as a family is an excellent way to open the door to family conversations.  If you’ve made this a habit prior to the teen years, then it will be easier to maintain afterward.  Teens will remember the family routines when they’re older, so you’re actually teaching them some important lessons now.  Get your teenager talking about his or her day.  Ask conversational questions.  Actively listen to them and engage in real, genuine conversation.  Put your work aside and turn the TV off.  Focus on your teen, and she will be more likely to focus on you.

5.  Help them with their homework or studies.  Making the transition from grade-to-grade during the teenage years is really hard for many kids, especially going from Middle School to High School.  Help your kids by setting rules, guidelines and expectations about homework and grades, and then take the time to help them build effective habits and understand the topics of study.  If they have a big test coming up, spend an hour quizzing them - you might actually learn some new things yourself!

6.  Volunteerism.  Most teenagers are involved in some kind of extracurricular activity, or you may be involved in something with the school or local community.  Either way, there is always a need for volunteers.  Ask your teenager what he or she is really passionate about, such as animals or the environment or elder care, then schedule some time to go and do volunteer work together.

7.  Pick a vacation destination that your teenager will actually enjoy.  Your teenager may feel like he or she is too old to go to Disneyland or Sea World, but Six Flags or Busch Gardens might be something they find more fun and exciting.  The beach is always a popular destination in the summer, and snow skiing is a fun winter activity.  Picking the right destination will greatly impact your teenager’s attitude about the trip, which will directly impact your ability to bond with him or her during that time.

8.  Enroll in an activity of their choice together.  Sign-up for karate, yoga, piano lessons, equestrian, the local 4-H or whatever they would like to do together with you (again within certain boundaries).  Doing activities like these with your teen gives you something in common to talk about other than school or friends or family.  It may also turn into something of great pride and satisfaction for you both.

9.  Play games - board games or video games.  This is one of my teenage daughter’s favorite things to do with me.  It’s easier to talk during board games, but video games may be slightly more exciting.  It’s hard to keep up with all of the video games, but it would be worth your while to learn how to play a few.  Many games also develop cognitive thinking skills, so you’re actually helping him or her while having fun.

10.  Be supportive of them when they fall.  Teens are an extremely emotional bunch.  They’re feelings are easily hurt, and every relationship they have is tenuous.  There are a lot of crying days for teens, so it creates an opportuntiy to comfort them, listen to and encourage them.

The bond you have with your teenager can be maintained with some effort on your part.  It may not seem like a big deal now, especially if you are feeling ignored or at odds with your teen, but they will remember it later in life. A father’s influence in a teenager’s life is critical.

Please feel free to share any tips you have for bonding with your teenager.

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Tags | father activities, father daughter, father son, parenting, teenagers, teens

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